Don't Sell Yourself Short

The past couple of weeks have been real moments of reflection. The main focus being on when I was at my peak happiness. As I sat reminiscing about the days of old, I began to petition God, asking Him where I went wrong and how I could get back to that place. His answer to me was you sold yourself short, getting in your own way. The goal is not to go back to where you were, it's merely just a matter of uncovering your light so that I can elevate you to where you are meant to be. 

This message really resonated with me, being that I was practically raised in Greenland Baptist Church, starting out in the Sunshine Band, singing about letting my little shine so that someone in the valley could find their way home, why they were out there in the first place, still beats me, and shaking the devil off because he couldn't have thought he was riding with me, being taught that everything that I wanted was just in reach, just so long as I had the faith of a mustard seed God would move things around to be in my favor (ironic being that's my middle name), just ask and believe. I really put this into practice, I knew exactly what I wanted, how I wanted it, prayed to God for a plan of attack and sure enough I got exactly that. 

I always think back to those days, sitting on the front pews, alongside my cousins, Keke and Genesis, the three amigos, all wide-eyed, with huge dreams. Everywhere we went, we were always told that we were destined for greatness and that there was a calling on our lives so big that people outside couldn't begin to understand. Keke was destined to be a medical doctor, Genesis an artist, and myself, an aerospace engineer, working for NASA, designing and sewing my purple spacesuit for the moment that I perfected the trajectory it would take to get to the moon and bring back my space rock. Today, they're already on their path to their destiny, while I on the other hand, am at a standstill. Reason being that I began to doubt myself, becoming a victim of my circumstances, fearing what others might think of me and rejection, in a way, forgetting who I am and whose I am. 

For a long time, I was on the path to my destiny as well. I worked hard, taking on any challenge that came my way.  I excelled in both high school and college, was a proud member of the University of Arkansas at Pine Bluff's elite S.T.E.M program, visited NASA, and was on a path to pursuing an internship there, with my family in my corner, encouraging me to push on. I can always remember my mother randomly sending me messages, reminding me of who I am. They would always come at a time when I needed them most, when my faith was failing, and I started to feel inferior. Her go to being, "Reagan, your initials are RFB. You know what that means? That means that you're Reagan Freakin' Broughton, dang it. A certified genius everyone aspires to be."

This was when I was the happiest. When I honed in on my studying, preparing to write my autobiography on how I got man on the moon again. I didn't care about other's opinions, walked with my head held high, not settling for anything less than perfection. But, when all was seemingly working in my favor, self got in the way, ultimately causing me to lose my ambitions. 

Self-doubt is the worst type of doubt there is. Self is your worst critic because no one knows you better than you. I was on top of the world, high on life, studying, singing and dancing around my dorm, clad in my purple bonnet and robe, building relationships with my professors and peers, being a light to everyone I came into contact with. And then, boom, self starts to whisper in my ear words of discouragement, telling me things like, "all of your hard work is in vain", "you'll never amount to anything and will never accomplish your goals", "NASA will never hire you", and "you're damaged goods, no one will want to work with you or build connections with you", "no one cares", "everyone will reject you, you're not as smart as you think you are". All in my voice, and eventually I started to believe it. It became engrained in me, but now it's time to take back control of my life and dust off my light that I've hidden from the world for so very long.

I finally realized it was time to make a move yesterday while escorting PWD through the barracks. They asked me what I did for fun outside of the Marine Corps and my response was that as a civilian I was a bookworm, always with a book in my hand and I loved mathematics and one of them turned to me and said, "oh, I bet you're a genius, I bet that I could give you a pilot's manual and you could read it and be ready to fly in an hour, or better yet bring a rock back from space." I was at a loss for words because how did he know that that has always been a dream of mine. I felt that God was speaking through him to remind me of the path I was meant to be on. I told him that it was funny that he said that because my end goal in life is to become an aerospace engineer, working for NASA. After returning to the duty hut, I thanked God for reminding me who I am and he gave me the idea to begin to write everything down, concerning me, to include, dreams, aspirations, insecurities, past traumas, favorite things, things I loathe entirely, areas that can stand improvement, etc. to get in touch with my authentic self, letting go of everything that is not benefiting me.

So now is my time to shine again. This is the start of my restoration journey. I will get my life back on track and reclaim my happiness, stress and worry free, and live my life to the fullest, starting right here, right now. 

If you take nothing else from this post, always remember, never sell yourself short and when self starts to rear its ugly head, silence it.

Stay blessed queens! ~LadyRea